My Fifth Heartache
There are millions of people in this world who carry a load of failures and pain on their shoulders. People who have shed a thousand tears. People who have endured heartaches on their own.
I am one of them… Yes, I carry my own share of pain, tears, and heartaches. Just when I thought that it was all over, life has a was of surprising me…
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The man, who calls himself my “father”, abandoned me.
…..He walked out my life before he could even be a part of it.
The man, whom I first fell in love with, cheated on me.
…..He only used me to get close to my friend without even respecting how I feel.
The man, whom I thought would make a difference in my life, left me.
…..He left me at the time I’m loving him the most, only saying “I’m not ready.”
The man, whom I trusted with all my heart and soul, betrayed me.
…..He promised to love me and wait for me but only took him 28 days to find someone else.
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Those are my last four heartaches. All those I endured alone. It was never easy. It took me a long time before I could get over it, and finally moved on with my life. I have shed countless tears. I looked pathetic. I was pitiful. And when I thought that that’s all there is to break me, life gave me another one.
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So let me tell you a story about my fifth heartache…
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I was happy the way my life is going. I was contented. But people were right when they said that you won’t know what you’re missing until it came to your life. And, damn! It was right!
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When we first met. Well, not really first. When we met…again, he’s another story of a man who got his heart broken. His acts and gestures show despair and confusion. His eyes show unshed tears and loneliness. What he needed was someone who will be there for him and someone he could talk to. He needed a someone who would listen to him and care for him.
“Nothing’s gonna go wrong.”, so I thought. “He only needed a friend and a friend I will be.”, I added to myself. My heart and mind are starting to warn me. “Stay away!”, they said in unison. But I ignored them both thinking I’m just being a friend and that I won’t fall for him.
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Everything’s going smoothly. We exchanged texts and online comments, and even hang out together. He started to open up and tell me things that bothered him and the things that hurt him. We became part of each other’s lives, never missing out a day to say hello to each oher. Even in our busy days, we made time to check on each other. Until we earned each other’s trust. He told me his stories and I told him mine. We became best buddies!
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“So what went wrong?”, maybe you’ll ask. I, myself, am not sure what went wrong. All the while I thought I was just being a friend. Attending to his needs. Emphatizing with his heart. Caring for him. But things got out of hand. The thing I’m most afraid of happening already happened.
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Yes, I’m falling in love with him…
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It was never in my plan. I never wanted this to happen. So why?
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I’m not sure WHEN in started.
Maybe the first time we hang out?
Or the first time he hugged me?
Or the first time he kissed me?
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I’m not even sure HOW it started.
Maybe because of his sweetness?
Or because of his eyes that shows a million emotions?
Or because of his lips that curves a perfect smile?
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But I guess WHEN and HOW it started is no longer important. I did what I promised myself not to do. To fall in love again.
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He is a wonderful person. He’s easy to get along with. He has a gentle smile that could warm anyone’s cold heart, just as he did mine. He has a pair of deep-set eyes that could even see even the smallest of feeling