Nabsnnc The Wanderer
Some say that dreams are meant to come true. Some say dreams are just false hope. Me, I think they are both. My dreams that I have had for my life have really never came true but I have never lost hope in them bedding true. I used to dream of dying old. Wife, a couple of kids, a old faithful dog, suburban family just like everyone else. You live your life every day in normalcy, never reaching full potential and just becoming comfortable. I used to want that, but for what? To mope around everyday, doing the same old thing. Same old job, same old home, same old family. It's just too plain. I want to live in excitement. That's when I started to dream real dreams. It takes a very depressed person to realize that they will be depressed for the rest of their life if they don't find an escape. My escape causes me to get in trouble. I always wanted to escape my everyday life realizing that if I didn't, I would only cause myself to become more and more depressed. But, when you start to cause trouble and get yourself into trouble, others start to question you. They start to look down upon you. They start to look at you differently. That's where the anger comes into play. See, you don't get angry with them, you don't get angry at yourself or at what you did. You're angry because they don't understand because they have lived this normal life for so long that it doesn't click in their head that you are becoming different. When you start to be questioned, you start to second guess things slowly becoming more depressed, more angry. This is what causes you to lash out. This is what causes you to be looked at so lowly by people you look at so highly. It takes one mistake in your life for others to respect you less. I say, fuck that. Why look at someone differently when they just want to live the way they want to live ? Because it's not "socially acceptable" or is it because it's just different from what others are accustom to. Just because you're different, you get labeled as a troublemaker or a bad person. I call bullshit. I believe that you are doing no wrong. Sure, you should always be aware of the law, but who hasn't broken the law before. Laws were meant to be broken correct ? Now I'm not saying I'm out to commit murder or cause serious harm to anyone. No, I gave up my violence, but I'll get to that later. What I am trying to say is, we aren't free. And when we do something wrong, like smoke a joint, break into abandoned houses, or quit your job for no reason just to make more time for yourself, it makes us feel a sense of freedom we don't have. It gets your heart pumping, it gets your blood rushing, it makes you feel alive. We are always looking for that rush in life to open up to. Many people have an opportunity to take that rush everyday but don't because they are scared. Why be scared ? What's so wrong with taking chances and just saying fuck it ? Because you might regret it later ? Well if you regret it later then you're going to live your whole life in regret. You're should only ever regret the chances that you didn't take. You should always look to live your life to the fullest. Experience every single thing that you can and hold nothing back. Now to the violence. See, I was a very violent child growing up, seeing people in pain that I caused gave me that rush. But, as I got older I started to fight for only the things that I love. Then I was manipulated into fighting the one father figure I have had in my life and that is one thing that I will always regret. Why would I fight a man that I respect and love so much. To this day I couldn't tell you, but it happened and there's no getting rid of that memory. That's when it clicked in my head that I shouldn't be fighting my family, I should be fighting for my family. So I escaped. I joined the most restricting, and rule bound organization in the United States. The Marine Corps. This was a mistake. I can't find myself here. I can Only do what I'm told to do everyday. I can only work. I can only do what I'm told. There is no freedom in this life. I'm not saying that it wasn't good for me. It has taught me a lot about life, and becoming an adult. But, I'm not ready to become an adult yet. I still do not know who I am. I think you have to know yourself before you can become an adult. What I should've done, was made enough money every year, to travel to different countries living on the lowest costs, and living on the lowest level I possibly could. There's so much knowledge out in the world. There are so many cultures. So many opportunities that your everyday person will never cross paths with. I need to find myself. I have only two years and 8 months left until I am free. So my dream isn't to