College Experience Essay
Javier Salazar
4th period
My mind wandered off into the depths of the ocean as my heart was struck by the jagged edge of the blade carried by words. A jagged edge I had never truly faced, but even in that moment, as I walked over to the stadium, I tried to convince myself that I was okay. Once my mind re-entered my body I realized, I wasn’t. This all happened in a matter of seconds, and as soon as I really took in what had just happened, the conversation Clinton and I were just holding came to a sudden halt as the words exited my mouth. “Kahley just broke up with me.”, I proclaimed, followed by a forced, nervous laugh. In disbelief, Clinton took a look at my phone and realized I was telling the truth. I understand that I’m young, but what I felt in that moment, was emptiness. He tried to convince me that I’d be fine; that there’s more for me to find in the world. There’s just something about her that fills this void I’ve felt throughout my whole life. I knew she was special, and no one could or will ever convince me otherwise. So I decided to call her. Keep in mind this all happened in a span of a couple of minutes. I could tell she was hurt even on the phone, but in hindsight, she did what had to be done. As I talked to her, I felt bleak, knowing it was my fault that this happened. I tried to convince her to give me another chance, you know, the usual fight or flight response. And I was determined to fight.
Once she hung up, I prepared myself to walk in that stadium, dried my eyes, and walked up those bleachers to enjoy a good time with my friends. What I didn’t realize is how clear the misery was in my eyes. In a matter of seconds I was being questioned about my well-being, and that’s when I broke. I sat down in those bleachers and a trail of tears began to slide across my cheeks, leaving puddles the size of a power outlet around my feet. And in that moment, I realized, there is no point in crying. It wasn’t going to change the fact that I’d be doing a lot of it over a span of time, but it was going to change my goal in that time. I wanted to become a better person. A good start would be treating her the way she deserves to be treated. Sure I was good to her in a way not many others can be, but the way I hurt her was unforgivable. So if change had to be triggered by such an event, then so be it. I left the stadium that day with a new mindset. “Change starts now.” I couldn’t just be all talk though. I had to act accordingly, and in the long run, I’d say it was worth it.